I recently went to a wedding and when I sat down at the dinner table, alongside very beautiful women, the conversation turned to jobs, what we do for a living, all day every day, and of course kids. For the readers who do not know my background – I have worked for 12 years in the Fashion PR and Events industry. I started working for a well known PR agency in London when I was 22.

It was 3 months after a left uni, I was scared and worried that I would not get a job – I sent my CV out everywhere and contacted everyone I knew who worked in Fashion. During my uni years I did a lot of work experience with fashion magazines and always spoke to a lovely lady at this PR firm. I emailed and begged to know if there were any jobs – when she replied with yes. I had an interview and started 2 weeks later. Soon enough I was pushing forward and PRing the supermarket brand George at Asda.

It was amazing. I learnt so much and even though the Director was and still is a ball buster – she has always been my favourite boss. Scenes from Devil Wears Prada had nothing on her. She used to throw her coat on my chair, expect me to know her lunch off by hand, asked where random pieces of paper were, discuss Slimming World meals and points (which was fine by me) and soon enough I stayed late and came in super early every day.

I was at work from 7am – to midnight at least twice a week. It was hard and PR is not for everyone but I loved it and I loved what I learnt at this agency. I met amazing stylists and journalists and went for breakfast, lunch and dinner at least twice a week all paid for by work. It was the dream. My love for fashion boomed. I got gifted clothes, jewellery, bags, shoes, tickets to festivals, gigs, theater productions and even though a lot of this was for networking. A lot of it was for fun too. Trust me, I was grateful.

I loved working with such creative people – make up artists, hairdressers, photographers – and still am obsessed with their work. I loved every minute of it.. I started my blog and focused it on fashion. Every day I blogged about what I wore taking inspiration from online publications (which were just starting out), people I saw on the street whilst walking to work and of course the amazing stylists I met.

I turned 24 and my boyfriend proposed…

Soon we were discussing moving in together and taking the next step – you know becoming adults and paying bills etc. By 25 we were moved in and 26 we were planning kids. For me, and everyone is different – that is when it started to become difficult. Due to long hours and a need for change, I moved agencies. My new PR firm were not impressed that within 5 months of me being there I was pregnant. So they pushed me out. Stating that my targets were not been met and I was underachieving. Well, anyone who knows me knows what a load of crap that is. I made the decision, at 3 months pregnant to go freelance. I loved it and it was the perfect timing for me. It was scary and when I did it I was so proud.

I made great money and carried, when Khillian was 9 months old I went back to work. In fact I was making more money working 4 days a week then working 5 and I worked on my time and by my rules and with the brands I loved. I met new people and the new clients were eager and hungry for PR, which before the swipe up option and Instagram stories was great to see. Soon we decided on baby number 2 and that is when it all changed….

Everything was affecting me. Magazines were closing and no one wanted to splash out on money for PR. Being told your services were not needed was a heart break.

Social media was taking over and brands wanted to do everything themselves…to top it off everyone was starting to focus on lifestyle brands, gyms and fitness and I was pregnant, swollen and ballooned up to 17 stone.

I concentrated on my family and knew at that point I didn’t want to go back into Fashion PR once the little man arrived.

Juggling with 2 kids was hard enough but with a family death and me having to step up to plate focusing on getting Khillian into school and keeping the baby alive along with missing work and fashion my mental health plummeted. Badly. To the point that I didn’t really notice. I just thought this is what happens when you have 2 kids.

Soon the baby turned 1 and I felt the pressure of deciding what to do. People asking me – – – Are you going back to work? How is work? You working from home? Who is looking after the kids? All I wanted to say is I don’t know. I don’t have a clue. At the moment the baby is not sleeping, I am still breast feeding, I am trying to find out what school Khillian is going to and to be honest I am sooooo tired.

Soon I decided I had to do what was right for me and my family and I had no other choice but to stay at home full time, and be a full time mum. There is nothing wrong with that at all – but for me I didn’t see it coming. It wasn’t in my dreams, plans and ideas. Far from it. I am a workaholic and found it suffocating and extremely difficulty not working. At times it still is. But with a lot of communication from my loved ones and me focusing on things that I love like travelling with the kids, discovering new places and things to do that was when I decided to focus on motherhood. This is when I turned back to blogging.

The blog helps me be expressive like I was before in my media world. Its my outlet and my go to and the same is for my social media platforms. Whether I have 4 people reading my blog, 14 or 4000 I just want mothers to know it is normal and understandable to be lonely and pressured when you have little ones to look after. I decided to take some time out for myself.

I took time and made effort to look after my health and to put my kids and my family front facing – the blog bloomed from that and I love it. I know when the kids are older I will go back to work and it might be making cakes, production or working in a shop. Who knows, but for now my kids need me and that is all I need to hear to decided what is more important – being a working mum in the city or a full time nappy changer!

This is what I told the ladies at the wedding and I was proud to tell my story. You should all be proud to tell yours!

Much Love Mammas

Assuntina X

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